My So Called Life...

it's crazy right now! When will I ever get to stop and breathe? People think I am lucky for everything I have done, but all I really want is myself. ME TIME! Why do I not give myself enough me time? DAMMIT! i just remember i signed up for so much volunteer work....Me time will be on hold for a while :P

Sad Day for Music

Where were you when you heard that Michael Jackson died?
I was at work. I was on Perezhilton and they said he was rushed to the hospital. I thought oh that would suck if he died. A little later I was about to update my twitter when I read from one of my friends that he died...I was shocked and didn't believe it so I went to a few websites to confirm, but there it was MICHAEL JACKSON HAS DIED.
I thought it was a rumor...and I didn't want to believe it. It feels like some of my childhood is lost.
Is this what it felt like when Elvis died?
It seems so surreal, because he was an icon. I remember growing up when MTV was cool and they would play his videos.
His music was incredible and some of my favorites when it was karaoke time.
Anyways, I'll always remember him.
RIP Michael!

OPEN EYES

is it too late?

I wish I could have made you laugh...or at least smile

but in the end there was just silence and I knew I had lost you.

Stand Up For Yourself Poindexter!

I don't want that...I never did.
I want more...more than you can ever show me.
I want my freedom, not being here in this place alone with you.
I want the sun, I want the ocean, I want air, I want light, I want new!
I don't want you...
You think you can control me.
You think I'll always take you back.
You think your touch makes me weak.
You think I want to hear the love sonnets you speak.
You think you're the best thing that's ever happened to me?
I'm in control now and I'm through with being hurt...
I know what I want and I don't want you.

You're that little and you burp that loud!?

My best friend asked today.."is it hard for you to date?"
OK OK...does it really seem that lame that I'm 24 and no boyfriend, and not even dating anyone, that even my bff has to say something???
Not to me...But if I were a guy would I date me?

REASONS WHY I WOULDN'T DATE MYSELF

i talk too much
i can be clingy sometimes
i always want attention...even when i dont act like it
i like to get my way
i always want to cuddle
i take up most of the bed and i'll steal the blankets
if something is bothering me, i'll constantly let you know until it stops
i'm nosey
i complain
i get grumpy when i'm sleepy or hungry
i hate cats and little dogs
i burp super loud
i have too many guy friends lol
i am a natural flirt
i would sing your ears off
i say i want to do one thing, then change my mind and do something totally different and you would have to do it to.

haha, but I do make a damn good chocolate cake.

Silver stars light up the black sky

...the wind whistles playful tunes in my ear and brings me comfort as the breeze dances along my body.

Right now I'm sitting on the patio and the weather is amazing...it puts me in the mood to write...


If I'm dreaming about him don't wake me up.
I'm happiest when I'm with him.
So let me sleep and be happy.

....................................................................

Maybe this was suppose to happen...
I don't know, but from the first moment I looked into your eyes,
When I first felt your touch...I knew.
And when the day came-
You held my hand
And I looked into your eyes -
I fell in love.

.....................................................................

The aching of ones heart,
Just longing for a kiss.
Tender touches, Soft whispers, Bodies crying out wanting to become one.
But for an instant the world may stop-
For I have now kissed the lips of love-
My breath was taken away-
My heart was given to you.


P.S. I did not write these poems for YOU or anyone I have ever met. I write what I know I would want to read and what I would want to feel.

101 Things To Do Before You Die

I bought this book bc I wanted to see how many things I could complete in my lifetime...of course I have way more than 101 things that I want to do, but this was just something to get me going.

COMPLETED:

#9: Learn That Instrument

-Guitar baby!!

#10: Leave Your Mark in Graffiti

-Last September Raul and I made a stencil of Big Boy...one night I was drunk with no shoes on and saw a white wall driving home and made him pull over so I could spray paint it there.

#17: Own a Pointless Collection

-I collect coins..and I have a few rare ones!

#18: Study the Kama Sutra and Put Theory into Practice

-Well you know...lol

#22: Go up in a Hot Air Balloon

-I've done this twice...once in 2004 and again in 2007.

#26: Bungee Jump

-Did this a few years back...as you can tell I'm not afraid of heights.

#28: Sky Dive

-Did this today and it was sooooo amazing :)

#30 Stay in the Best Suite in a Five Star Hotel

-Paris!!! Super sweet stay :D

#40: Get a Free Upgrade on a Plane

-I got this because there were a few people on our plane so they just let me go into first class.

#41: Be Friends With Your Ex

-Danny who I was with for 4 years is one of my best friends...Omar, I was with 2 years, talk every few weeks...and Raul...well there's no hope :P we'll see though

#50: Write Your Name Over A Star on the Walk of Fame

-I did this for my birthday trip to California this year...kinda scary bc I was afraid of getting caught, but it all worked out.

#51: Leave a Job You Hate

-My last job was a drag...I hated it!

#54: Make at Least One Huge Purchase You Can't Afford

-How many times have I done this?? Movado watch, tiffanys, dolce & gabbana...need I say more.

#58: Live in the Place You Love

-I moved to Orange County, California...loved every moment and miss it everyday.

#75: Get a Tattoo

-I have 5

#98: Go on a Demonstration

-Peace in the Middle East...WORLD PEACE

That's all I've done so far...I have so much more to do.

Next on the list...MILK A COW!

"I can never look serious, because I can't stop smiling!"

I said that last night...and I when I did, I realized that after all the crap I have been through recently, I was happy. No, I can never erase the memory and I wouldn't want to. I had the crappiest childhood...abuse, living in shelters, scared for my life, but no matter what I always remembered all the little things that made me happy and I smiled. People that know me know that I appreciate EVERYTHING! I really wish I could help everyone. It's so hard to walk away from somebody that needs help...but when it comes to me needing help, the only person I depend on is myself... I can always count on me, because in the end it's just ME. This last incident was different though...I actually asked for help. Help for encouragement, for understanding, for a shoulder to cry on...for a friend. And I don't think if it wasn't for them I would be lost and sad. Everything happens for a reason and this was a BIG wake up call. You live, You learn, but always remember to love yourself in the end.

"Every mistake I made, I couldn't of made without you..." but thank you, bc I wouldn't be who I am today.

Running Shumming

30 minutes of cardio at least 3 times a week.
That's what they tell us right?
I've been running/walking these past few weeks and I HATE IT!
I really want to say EFF U RUNNING!!!!
So what else can I do to get my cardio in...Salsa Lessions!!!
Sexy latin moves sound way better than...uh...track, lol.
Let's see if they can turn this no hip to a hip moving superstar!

Hopefully starting next week :)

BRENHAM, TX---- Little Town, Lots of Love

Memorial Day Weekend...WHOO HOOO!!!

Pool parties, BBQ, beer, BRENHAM?

Yes my friends my 3 day weekend was spent in the small town of Brenham AKA BLUE BELL TOWN. Famous for being the hometown of Blue Bell Ice Cream, which i LOVE!

I had visited once before, but this time I got to see the city for all it's worth.

Overall, it's what you expect from a little town in Texas...Walmart is the spot, also a life saver for those who come unprepared like me...people are nice...lots of grass....lots of cows... & lots of ice cream!

P.S. We did manager to squeeze in the pool party, bbq, and beer!

DON'T MESS WITH TEXAS!

the world moves...and i'm standing still.

I'm sorry.
I'll do everything right next time, just for you.
Who knows what could have been...but right now I rather see your smile for a second then to go on with this pain.
I'll think of you when I feel the sun on my skin, when I dance in the rain, when I look at the blue sky...and think where you've gone and if you'll still love me.

I don't want to but i have to...

life sucks right now.

Nothing Compares 2 U

really...nothing at all.
I've looked and looked, but come back with nothing.
These rainy days make me think of you more.
Summer is coming as it did last year, but last year I had you, and this year I'm alone.

I know you don't know me, but....

Guy sees girl. Guy thinks girl is cute. Guy comes up to the girl and says, "I know you don't know me, but I think you're cute."

Thank you for the compliment.

Today I had this experience...good thing i found out he was a douche before anything happened thanks to friend "A"...now we have a little prank going on :D

I guess knowing what it feels like to have a broken heart, I feel bad for those who have gone through the lies and the cheating too. Never again I say, and never EVER will i help someone cheat.

Douche Bag free is the way to be!

I Love WHO?

I was riding with my friend yesterday, it was rainy, it was cold, and she was talking to her boyfriend on speaker phone. Before ending the conversation he said, "I love you." It was so simple and so natural. When I heard that I thought, Jeez, I haven't heard that saying in a lonnnggg time! It kinda made me feel a little sad. I never really even thought about how much those words could mean to someone. Recently I've been trying to score dates, not to hear I LOVE YOU. I can't believe it, did I forget about love?

I love lots of people, but none in a romantic, I want to spend the rest of my life with you type of way. And who loved me? I know my family, my friends, but that's it. Then it came to me...what's most important...I said it out loud,"I LOVE YOU RACENE!"....then I said back.."I love you too."

sometimes i get bored and write....

Talk to me
The night has just begun
We have until the sun comes up
Distant is a mile
A mile brings me to you
Space is all that’s between us
But no matter how much space
You know how I feel
Longing is suffering
I suffer because of distance
But on this night
You have me here
My suffering has seized
And you are mine once more.

............................................................................................

What I didn’t want,
I ended up wanting.
What I thought was there
Wasn’t there at all.
What I never had
Is what I’m afraid to lose.

I stole this from LORENA, just thought id give it a try and see how many ive done so far.....mine are in BOLD. 1. Started your own blog 2. Slept under the stars 3. Played in a band 4. Visited Hawaii 5. Watched a meteor shower 6. Given more than you can afford to charity 7. Been to Disneyland 8. Held a praying mantis 9. Climbed a mountain 10. Sang a solo 11. Bungee jumped. 12. Visited Paris 13. Watched a lightning storm at sea 14. Taught yourself an art from scratch 15. Adopted a child 16. Had food poisoning 17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty 18. Grown your own vegetables 19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France 20. Slept on an overnight train 21. Had a pillow fight 22. Hitch hiked 23. Taken a sick day when you're not ill 24. Built a snow fort 25. Held a lamb 26. Gone skinny dipping 27. Run a marathon 28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice 29. Seen a total eclipse 30. Watched a sunrise or sunset 31. Hit a home run 32. Been on a cruise 33. Seen Niagara Falls in person 34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors 35. Seen an Amish community 36. Taught yourself a new language 37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied 38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person 39. Gone rock climbing 40. Seen Michelangelo's David 41. Sung karaoke 42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt 43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant 44. Visited Africa 45. Walked on a beach by moonlight 46. Been transported in an ambulance 47. Had your portrait painted 48. Gone deep sea fishing 49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person 50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris 51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling 52. Walked in the rain 53. Played in the mud 54. Gone to a drive-in theater 55. Been in a movie 56. Visited the Great Wall of China 57. Started a business 58. Taken a martial arts class 59. Visited Russia 60. Served at a soup kitchen 61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies 62. Gone whale watching 63. Got flowers for no reason 64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma 65. Gone sky diving 66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp 67. Bounced a check 68. Flown in a helicopter 69. Saved a favorite childhood toy 70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial 71. Eaten Caviar 72. Pieced a quilt 73. Stood in Times Square 74. Toured the Everglades 75. Been fired from a job 76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London 77. Broken a bone 78. Been on a speeding motorcycle 79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person 80. Published in a book 81. Visited the Vatican 82. Bought a brand new car 83. Walked in Jerusalem 84. Had your picture in the newspaper 85. Read the entire Bible 86. Visited the White House 87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating 88. Had chickenpox 89. Saved someone's life (I'm an organ donor..hopefully oneday i will) 90. Sat on a jury 91. Met someone famous 92. Joined a book club 93. Lost a loved one 94. Had a baby 95. Seen the Alamo in person 96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake 97. Been involved in a law suit 98. Owned a cell phone 99. Been stung by a bee 100. Read an entire book in one day

Party Is OVER, I WANT MY HAIR BACK!

Ok so...i've always had long beautiful brown hair. After my breakup with my ex..I don't know why...I decided to cut my hair and I colored my hair and had blondish lowlights. This was late December, it is now April. I wanted to let my hair grow, but my sister wanted me to do something different for my birthday, so i did, and now i have bangs, lol. But now the party is over and it's back to the normal racene...the real racene....i love being ordinary.

happy birthday to me...

I had a dreamStrange it may seemIt was my perfect dayOpen my eyesI realizeThis is my perfect dayHope you never grow oldHope you never grow oldHope you never grow oldHope you never grow oldDo-do-do-doBirds in the skyThey look so highThis is my perfect dayI feel the breezeI feel at easeIt is my perfect dayHope you never grow oldHope you never grow oldHope you never grow oldHope you never grow oldForever youngI hope you stayForever young

this is me.

R - radiant

A - awesome

C - corny

E - elegant

N - nice

E - ethical